When I was a kid, I desperately wanted to ride the Zoo Train at the Oregon Zoo. It is expensive you see, and being from a family of modest means, we could never afford to do the train after getting into the zoo. It is still expensive to this day. Even if you are a little kid, they expect you to shell out $4.50 to ride the train for 20 minutes to the Rose Garden.
Last week I was contemplating how different things are for my kids. It is tempting to romanticize your childhood, to make assumptions that the way you experienced things made you a better person, when in fact we don’t really understand the factors that form an individual’s character and values (nor do we know that you are much of a great person now! Ha!). We have a human tendency to try to reassure ourselves that hardships were formative, that they had purpose. I think we want to be sure that we didn’t suffer for nothing. I had this conversation with a young man struggling to put himself through college while his peers have scholarships and family support. When I was in college, I remember being vaguely jealous that some kids had their school paid for, all while I presented as fiercely proud that I was putting myself through. Now I look back and think, did that really make me better somehow? More appreciative? Not really. Would I change places with someone with a full-ride in a heartbeat? Hell yeah! (At this point I would like to thank Brad for putting me through graduate school, and for issuing me a retro-active partial scholarship for undergrad. Yes, I “did it myself” and exiting school, I had the loans to prove it.)
Anyway, back to the Zoo Train. No, I didn’t suffer because I couldn’t ride the Zoo Train as a child, but I always longed to ride the Zoo Train. Now I am an adult living an easy and luxurious life. I am raising three very privileged children with college accounts and such. When I say no to the Zoo Train, or anything really, I can’t honestly say that it is because we can’t afford it. We can afford all sorts of crap that we don’t really need, so I have this new existential struggle that involves privilege, fear of creating nasty spoiled children, shame over conspicuous consumption, worry about what other children can have, worry about waste and the shit that people give their kids right and left just because, and other issues that probably come from my Catholic upbringing. It isn’t just the Zoo Train; it’s a train wreck.
So, back to the Zoo Train. (Man, I have to move this post along. I will try short sentences because the long ones are pulling me into some sort of philosophical whirlpool). I was at the zoo last week. I spent the first hour thinking about the zoo train. Should we ride the zoo train? Should we not ride the zoo train? Man, I really want to ride the zoo train. Why NOT ride the zoo train? We could ride the zoo train!
Finally I decided that we were going to do it. We were going to blow $13.50 on a stupid ride on a miniature train. I walked up to the ticket booth, scanned the prices and saw:
RAIL TO RAIL: present your Tri-Met Max ticket for this day and ride free round-trip on the Zoo Train
Holy Crap! The Zoo Train is free if you take MAX to the Zoo. I ONLY take Max to the Zoo. The Zoo Train is free for the rest of my freaking life! I am so happy! I am going to leave it all and go LIVE on the Zoo Train! Who knew? See you on the Zoo Train suckers!
6 Comments, Comment or Ping
Love the Zoo Train! But what I love more is that you were able to let go and say, yes, I am going to take my kids on the zoo train even if it is a ridiculous expenditure. You and your husband have worked pretty hard to get where you are – it’s ok to enjoy it now and then.
Bye bye guilt! And look how it turned out? Brilliant.
September 2nd, 2009
I would say indulging in “experiences” for you and your children would not be considered conspicious consumption. Experiences are part of the idellible fabric of who we are, they stay with us forever and we benefit from their lessons. This would be in contrast to buying “material goods” or “stuff”, which can be conspicious and unneccessary, if gone overboard.
September 2nd, 2009
Thank you both Rick and Angella. You are really both right— and it makes me feel better to think about it that way.
September 2nd, 2009
Your zoo train feelings resonate with my experience also. I remember taking my kids on the zoo train for the first time and thinking hard about whether to do it or not. The fears we have as parents are sometimes so disproportionate to reality- like taking kids on the zoo train is going to make them spoiled brats- yet, I think a lot of parents fall in to hyper-indulgent patterns simply because of just-this-once thinking.
September 3rd, 2009
This is a great post! While we don’t have kids yet, I undergo a lot of the same thought processes. I’d like to get more to your mindset, though, and get rid of a bunch of the crap that we have. I still have a weird relationship with money because of growing up without any, and tend to “stock up” on (i.e. hoard) a lot of things just because they’re on sale. And things I’d really like, for example a new camera or a new vacuum cleaner, I don’t buy because I already have one that (mostly) works and I don’t want to “waste” the money… but then I have 30 bottles of my favorite bubble bath because I got such a good deal on it. How long will it take me to use that? FOREVER. Anyway, this comment is rather random because your post was not really about this, but the money issue got me thinking.
I used to feel the same way about the Zoo Train, and I totally remember the experience of riding it the few times we were able to!
It’s so fun, and now it has even more meaning for me because that’s where Jason and I had our first real date! I think it’s awesome that Max’ers get to ride it for free, hooray!!! Portland rocks!
September 12th, 2009
oh me garsh– you crack me up. love this post. just found you on enviromom, but should’ve been reading for ages!
September 12th, 2009
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