I am trying to play more. I am trying to relax and just be more fun. My TSPC requirement classes made me sadly realize that I sometimes look at my kids as one great big bother, a source of stress and distraction that I must struggle to escape. And that’s too bad, because it seems to me that I CHOSE to have these kids, right? Why the crappy attitude?
I am such a do-er in my daily life. I feel massive satisfaction from what I accomplish in any given day. When Brad asks how my day went, I immediately catalogue what I achieved that day as though that justifies my whole existence, as though I am not worthwhile at all if I didn’t complete the siding on the chicken shed, plant lily starts, hang art, finish laundry and clean the kitchen. I’ve got to fix this I know, because obviously the simple, quiet things are important too— maybe more important. So I am going to play more and maybe do a bit less.
I’m not going to change too much– I will always love working, achieving, feeling the accomplishment that comes with being physically exhausted because you just mopped the floor on your hands and knees– but I am trying to find a little balance. The work of mothering is a wide skill set, and the things that kids note at the end of the day are not the same things that I might catalogue to Brad as “accomplishments”. So these are the things I am trying to do more of:
- Snuggling up with Zephyr at nap time (I would curl up with Inez if she would quit tweaking my nose)
- Reading books with kids (no, my books do not count, although once I had Francis fooled when I read Snow Flower and the Secret Fan out loud to her a few days in a row)
- Art projects (like kid ones, not the ones where I tell them to go away and let mom work)
- Dancing around
- Playing instruments and singing
- Cooking projects where they get to make a mess and maybe even lick stuff
- Baths midday (with bubbles!)
- Setting up train tracks
Part of my goal with this year is just to calm down and not achieve anything, because you know, I think I am a good enough person just sort of sitting on my ass… and playing with trains.
9 Comments, Comment or Ping
This is a very worthwhile project, and would be easy to forget about when you get busy during the year. Keep up the playing!
January 18th, 2010
Good for you! This kind of “work” has lasting rewards!
January 18th, 2010
Awesome! Yes, playing with trains is important and worthwhile work!
January 18th, 2010
You are worthwhile just because you are Ingrid! I find myself struggling with the same issues- it is right to let go of these expectations we have of ourselves and just enjoy being with others, especially the little ones that are growing up so fast. Go easy on yourself!
January 18th, 2010
I also find myself wanting to have accomplished something at the end of the day. I get around this by making lists for myself which include things like running, bathing, or calling people. Then I feel as though I just did something important.
January 18th, 2010
Hey, today I shampooed my hair AND I put on deodorant! I am awesome!
January 19th, 2010
Woohoo!
January 19th, 2010
I am commiserating, Ingrid.
Play *is* fun, and sadly gets shunted to the side so often. I say, swing ‘em around! Hide under tented bedcovers with a flashlight. Sing randomly made-up songs (Holly’s favorite lately is our “Iron Giant and Hogarth” song and its variations). Take turns chasing each other around the house. If tired, play a computer game together or read. Well, that’s what we do.
We also let Holly help with dishes, rake the yard, sweep the floors, fold laundry, feed the cats. Okay, she’s not very good at most of that work stuff, but she feels included and thinks it’s fun, for the most part. Can’t wait ’til she’s old enough to scoop the litterboxes! Hah!
But yeah, I include playing with or entertaining Holly equally in my mind’s list of accomplishments for the day, along with whether I dealt with bills, vacuumed (ha, I so rarely vacuum; eww my floors are crunchy already), cleaned, did laundry or dishes and all what-not. If I haven’t played with her much, I feel like I left something unfinished and her neglected, which feels a good deal worse to me than if I neglect the dishes.
But then, I bet our kids get a lot of great attention from us, but it’s admirable to try for more! Darn that parental guilt thing…
January 20th, 2010
I’m like Anne in that I add normal things to my To Do list. Sometimes I even add things I already did to my To Do list, just so I can have the satisfaction of crossing them off the list!! All of my artist friends who keep To Do lists do this, too!
January 20th, 2010
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