My uncle is making a nice new daybed/filing cabinet/reading nook/bookcase for us. It is spurring all sorts of organization that is badly needed.
My life, okay–my personality–is problematic. I am very sentimental. I have a hard time letting time slip away from me, so I cling to all sorts of reminders of the past. I went to move boxes around and noticed that I had two huge cardboard boxes labelled “memories”. That seemed like one box too many, so I sat down and attempted to pull things out to recycle right there and then. That was last month. I spent most of that work session reading, laughing, and crying, clinging to cards with clever notes from deceased family members, precious reflections from friends during a time in life when WE ACTUALLY SAT DOWN AND WROTE REAL LETTERS TO EACH OTHER. I couldn’t get rid of anything. How could I get rid of the letter from a friend coming out to his parents and telling me how surprised he was that they still loved him? How could I get rid of a letter telling about a friend’s new life in a new country with a new man she loved? She was shocked to find love. She was astounded to be learning how to communicate. How could I toss my sisters’ early stories of the excitement of new relationships, especially when those boys they told me about are now my family? It is all too precious. I couldn’t toss any of it. Finally I decided that I could recycle cards with just a signature (not good enough!), letters from people who I absolutely do not see anymore, and silly things that I wrote that are not immediately, apparently special.
A few things that I realized during this exercise:
- I have more friend than I ever though. Many many people have loved me (*and hopefully still do!). I think back on times when I felt lonely or sad in high school, and I am a bit in wonder of how I could have felt this with such a huge outpouring of support from all these friends. I read back on these letters and see, “Oh, you’re so great!” ”I love you so much!” ”You are such a great friend!”, and yet, I don’t remember feeling that way. I don’t know what my excuse was. I guess I was a teenager.
- My siblings are so wonderful. I have three of the most loving, clever, devoted sisters that a girl could have. Throughout the span of my life, these women have been tied so strongly to me, and in their letters I see how, especially when I was off adventuring, they were continuing to reach out to hold on tightly to our sister-bond. I have three sisters, so you would think that one could be a dud– but no. They are all fantastic. Lucky, lucky, lucky I tell you.
- Woa. I was popular with the boys! It makes me laugh at how transparent all these “friendly” letters are now (including the ones from my husband). Why was I so dumb?! Opportunities missed, I tell you! Actually, I was very fortunate to have good male friends all the way through high school and into college. These are charming, smart boys. Their letters make me smile and hope that Zephyr can one day be somewhat like them.
- Thank you aunts and uncles who cared about me. I have letters and cards spanning 20 years from aunts and uncles just showing that they were interested in my life. That is important to get this sort of support outside of your own parents. I hope to be a good aunt and god mother too.
- And yes, my parents were/are excellent.
Okay, now to ponder: do you keep letters you “earned” (for drama & band!) even if you don’t have a letterman sweater to put them on?
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Oh, I’m the same way! I actually went through it all one time so I have boxes sorted into “Elementary and Middle School” (yes, I still have notes from back then, folded into hearts and arrows and shirts), “High School,” “College,” and each assignment we’ve been at as adults. Since I’m a scrapbooker, I justify it, as if some day I will actually document each thing and put it all in a book. Who knows, maybe I will? Probably not…. I should go through and narrow things down. I’m sure there’s a lot that I wouldn’t even remember what it is now–I saved things like a candy wrapper given to me by a boy I liked, the paper embossed napkin from the first day with a boyfriend, stuff like that, and who cares? But the letters, I can’t get rid of those! We should put them into books though, even if it’s just a three-ring binder with each thing slid into a page protector, don’t you think? We could have a challenge!!
February 9th, 2010
I’m pretty sure I have my “letters” in a Ziploc bag somewhere in a chest at Mom and Dad’s. Clearly, they are quite dear to me.
February 10th, 2010
All the precious notes and letters! I re-read them periodically and thin them out a bit but it’s never possible to get rid of all of them. When I go up in the loft I still have to smile a bit remembering Phyllis Turner’s horror that I had trashed scribbled friendship history between Anne, Sarah, and Tristan over many years. They hadn’t saved it so I didn’t either although much of it was an incredibly sweet look into the heads of 8 to 10 year olds. Phyllis acted like I was a book burner!
Valentine’s day is a great time to re-read those old expressions of love. I still have the peach message you gave me with the tree. I posted that note in my studio . . . it cheers me when I read it.
February 10th, 2010
Letters offer us a special way to get to know people in our life. I have an entire basket of letters from Jim- including a little note he wrote to me before we were even dating. I treasure them- and really ought to pull them out and read them when I am frustrated with how we are dealing with each other.
I still am kicking myself for not keeping certain letters sent by people in my life. I say they are worth keeping around- and going through every few years!
p.s. keep the lettermen letters in a plastic bag- or spring for an old black cardigan to sew them on! When we are REALLY ancient- our kids will be amazed that we were even in sports. I lettered in track (javelin and discus- remember?)and have the letter to prove it- now I only run when someone is chasing me.
p.s.s. my sisters are all pretty amazing too- I know what you mean!
February 10th, 2010
Joyce: I can picture Grandma so clearly in your story! I miss her… and she really never could throw anything away! And so it goes down in history, I have more than enough Anne-Tristan-Sarah memories on scraps of paper to last all of us a lifetime! Anne’s letters are the best! I think I have one for each stage of my life!
February 10th, 2010
Ingrid, I love this post! I had a similar experience this past year while trying to pair down and spent an afternoon laughing and crying and remembering…and then posting some of those hilarious memories on Facebook for a good laugh with many friends! I discovered that I currently have SIX shoe boxes full of notes that I still don’t know what to do with: First of all, it would take me months to read through each and every note to decide if it’s worthy of keeping. Secondly, I hate the idea of throwing away the concrete evidence of so much school girl drama! Kids these days will never have such a record, with all of their texting!
Keep your letters, I have mine even though I don’t have plans to do anything special with them.
February 10th, 2010
I think I have a box of letters somewhere in the loft. I wish I had kept more though. I wish that mom and dad had more pictures from their young life, or even a wedding picture.
Do you still have all of the e-mails that you and Brad exchanged when you were dating? Those would be fun to look at when you guys are super old.
February 12th, 2010
I have almost ALL of those, starting from the beginning where they were just friendly, to the day that he loaded up his Nissan Sentra and drove to Eugene to be with me. Classic!
February 12th, 2010
We do have an old 8 mm movie of us and family during our Wedding reception at the Hunt’s house back in 1966…. I think it lasts about three minutes. I should have it remade into some sort of DVD for one of our anniversaries.
It is true that there is something very special about a slip of paper you can hold in your hand…. we got a precious valentine from Jonah that has to be a keeper, but how do we continue being able to save all that “precious” stuff. It’s a little like when the video cameras first came out and family get togethers started lasting twice as long because first you did all the visiting and then you sat down and watched everyone doing all the visiting! I don’t know . . . maybe it’s like dieting . . . all things in moderation.
February 14th, 2010
I was so happy you called me about our letters, Ingrid; that was a good laugh! We were silly, wonderful kids. I wonder how common such constructive friendships are, and I hope that our kids will have the luck and insight we had for finding truly good friends.
On mementos, well, Gus and I are pretty organized, but I’m sure we need to weed out some old letters and cards that don’t mean much anymore. Along with some books! I have a basket that is piled up with things I’ve haven’t looked at in at least three years.
Hey, and I’d like to see (at least a picture of) that daybed/filing/reading nook/bookshelf! I might want to make one, myself.
February 17th, 2010
Oh, I almost forgot… I vote for keeping the band/drama letters. Be thankful you don’t have a letterman’s jacket, because I can’t decide what to do with mine. Too nice to get rid of, too bulky to want to keep — except that it’s got my letters on it!
February 17th, 2010
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