ingrid

Nothing makes me resent motherhood so much as “Mommy & Me” events.  And God bless them, preschool teachers love stuff like this.  They work hard even for these events, but I always seem to end them tired, impatient, hungry and angry.  Let’s work through my list of woes.  First of all, the kids make you “lunch”, which is usually in the hotdog family.  They wait on your table which takes forever.  They serve you punch in a tiny paper cup that they then masticate into a soggy mess.  The cup gives up under the pressure of even the tiny sip of punch that you might have had.  You are thirsty and full of hotdog wrapped in pillsbury puff dough.  All the salt and preservatives are causing your head to pound.  And you are hungry.  And these kids don’t like mustard so your dough-dog is dry in your mouth.  After a slow, slow lunch, when everyone is really tired and ready to go home, the craft project is dragged out.

I jealously look at the other “mommies” who mostly have one tired kid, not two to juggle.  Today my dear middle child actually melted down mid-girlscout cookie over a dusty old balloon that Inez found in the corner.  ”I want a balloon!” he screamed, no matter how many times I told him that there weren’t more balloons, that she had found someone’s old, limp one that just happened to have been left there.  Zephyr has this obnoxious way of collapsing when you reach out to grab his arm or take him by the shoulder.  He flops like a fish, smashing his head into whatever surface is available.  Of course he did this there and went careening into the table, falling down and pulling half the table cloth with him.  It looks for the world like I have just given him a roundhouse.  We were midway through the “craft” at this point, which was going painstakingly slow as the printer malfunctioned, the glue containers were in short supply, and the beads rolled off the table.  Inez had absconded with a string of plastic beads and was swinging them at other preschoolers and generally being annoying.  With two kids crying and whining, I grabbed our popsicle stick craft and began the march out of there.  Of course it got rained on and my head smeared.  This is about how I feel right now.  Fucking Mommy and Me.

In: General bitchin' | | #